Thinking about change....

Its amazing how much changes in what seems like such a short amount of time.  New jobs, new friends, new ideas.....more accurately.....new perspectives on old ideas, old friends, old jobs.  I've been thinking a lot about how much my perspective has changed, specifically on my career, and on my marriage. 

When things are difficult, the child in you thinks that they will always be difficult.  You throw a tantrum, either literally or metaphorically, and you ask whoever is listening for relief.  You make a decision to endure or to quit.....and I have never been much for quitting.  So I endure....with my eyes on the horizon....watching for the change that I want so badly to come.  Slowly, as the days go by, what may have been tough or too much to handle becomes normal.  I take my eyes off the horizon.  I keep moving forward and forget that things weren't always this way...that there is something better....something beautiful.  Suddenly, things do improve...change comes like a bucket of cold water to the face, and the relief and joy that follows feels foreign and undeserved.  How can this be?    

Career
In leaving an old position that was stressful and an unhealth time-suck on my life and my marriage, I have moved into something far more healthy for me.  Though I know this place IS NOT the old place and I know these people ARE NOT the old people...why is it that the anticipation of something awful is constantly just below the surface?  I had let my eyes leave the horizon for just a moment, and in doing so, forgot that something better....something beautiful existed beyond it.  Half of me shuffled along, trudging through the negativity and nothingness while the other half of me was trying desperately to shake myself awake and throw the bucket of cold water...."Wake up!"  I did wake up, and moved on.....with a healthy dose of skepticism and a side of guilt tucked away in my pocket.  I just started a new job, and things are great.  My skepticism whispers..."Can they really be this great?"  My guilt mumbles...."You left a lot of people behind."  Thought I would be starting fresh, but my past followed me, tugging at my ankle saying, "Remember me?"     

Marriage
Been through some tough stuff....really tough....but we've made it to the other side.  It finally feels like the clouds have lifted and the sun is shining in.  Truly, I never thought we would make it here.  When we were in the midst of the storm, I never thought the rain would subside...but it did.  We endured together and navigated our path.....and we made it.  Marriage is a funny thing.....especially for young people.  When everything society screams, "Quit!" my heart and my morals calmly say, "Stay."  We both had to endure.  We both had to trudge through the mud and muck of each others struggles and look to the horizon with faith that we would make it.  

I will be running a marathon in 22 days.  Much of the past year has felt like I've not only been training to run 26 miles, but to endure and navigate the ups and downs of life.  I have tested my body and pushed it beyond what I ever thought I could endure.  Months ago, I never thought I would be able to go the distance.  But here I am.  I have endured.  The same is true for life.  I pushed myself beyond what I thought was possible.  I jumped and believed that a net would appear....and it did.   

Staying Sane